Your tits are I can't wait for
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize