mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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