Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize