fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
