What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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