why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
