I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
