im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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