He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
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I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize