There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
worst night to have a conscience
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
