Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
