I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize