I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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