the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
