what day is it and did you see me today?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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