I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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