dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
