First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
