end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I touched a dick in church today
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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