I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
