It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
