Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
