I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
