she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
