Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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