someone threw a dead crab at me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
