I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
