i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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