i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
