I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
