Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My cat gives me a boner
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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