need another drink. this is the easiest way
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
