Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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