i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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