organizing the empties. That sober.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
