Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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