I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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