Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
