Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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