After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
