i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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