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So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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