Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
