I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize