If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
