I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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