The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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