i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We need a shit load of segways right now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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