my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
