Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am midnight drunk by noon
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
