he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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