I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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