i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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