Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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