Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
