Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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