On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
