if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
