One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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