o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
