I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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