apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
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i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
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I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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