it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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