My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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