He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
