I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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