P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
