I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Randomize
