I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
