I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
